Monday, February 24, 2014

The Pronouns of Sexual Intimacy

By M. J. Joachim

Sexual intimacy is an activity shared by two people who care about each other. In learning to understand each other’s needs, they strive to be attentive to the other person. Unfortunately, sexual intimacy has lost its status in our culture, because too many people view sex as the alternative to sexual intimacy.

It’s the age old philosophy of nature vs. nurture coming back to haunt us, only this time it has entered our bedrooms, toying with our need to have close relationships with our partners. Nature has taken over, and nurture has paid the price. Lust and personal satisfaction crave the self-centeredness of instinct (nature), while intense friendship, companionship and mutual longing for each other (nurture), is degraded to the point of sex, omitting the intimacy of such a beautiful act (shared between two individuals), in favor of releasing personal raging hormones.

Walk into any adult store, or check out any online sex site. The evidence is there, directing sex into the pleasure of one, using the other partner as a disposable means to an end. Even the toys are designed to increase sexual pleasure for one person, while neglecting the partnership meant to take place, when two people make love to each other.

Redefining Sexual Pronouns

I, the one and only seeking to be pleased, takes precedence over loving and pleasing one’s partner. However, I is the sexual intimacy pronoun of dominance and giving. It is the person capable of seducing a partner, with the focus on tantalizing and pleasing him or her.

You, the recipient of I, responds in turn, not as a pleasure seeking fool, but as a receptive, active participant in the lovemaking journey. You accepts the gifts from I, returning the favor by listening to intimacy expressed in the physical conversation, a conversation of bodies connecting, not of excess words, groans and force, demanding personal pleasure.

We, the intimate union of two individuals, I and you, who connect on levels much deeper than random acts of nature. We instructs I and you, allowing them to fantasize, explore and unite as one together. We is the partnership, where I and you become one.

Us, the ultimate achievement of in tune sexual intimacy, smiles silently, long after the moment has passed. Us is invigorated by love, longing for nothing more than to cherish future moments provided by we, created when I and you play their parts effectively. Us is the union of two, physically, emotionally and spiritually, the moment when even though life separates them because of normal human responsibilities, they remain deeply connected as we, in an intimate relationship, no one can challenge.

Respect, dignity and love for one another allows sexual intimacy to reach the heights of personal satisfaction, partly because it is not self-centered, but more importantly because it is outwardly driven. Each individual person, I and you, gives to the other, opening their minds, hearts and souls to the intimacy that connects them as we and us. As they foster this relationship, their journey becomes more intense, loving and satisfying.

Marriages thrive with this type of nurturing. Couples become closer with each passing year. Trust is the foundation of their relationship, often allowing them to overcome fears and doubts about being exposed. Innocent smiles can't help but replace frowns of frigidity and not being satisfied, as each spouse learns to read their partner over time.

The sex industry doesn’t really cater to this type of relationship. Their goal is to sell toys, games, media and tools for immediate satisfaction of the one, not the couple sharing their lives as one. They want to let nature take its course, making a profit from people seeking quick and easy sexual gratification. Theirs is not to improve or help foster strong relationships or family, but rather to cash in on demand, hoping it leads to addiction, when what people really crave is a strong loving desire, based on an instinctual act capable of connecting them with another human being, the act known as sexual intimacy, something so powerful, it is capable of changing the world, by decreasing the divorce rate and strengthening the family.

Your thoughts on this topic are very much appreciated. Please let me know how you feel about sex vs. sexual intimacy, especially as it pertains to the strength and unity of the family.

M. J.

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Photo credit:Lawrence Alma - Tadema (1836 - 1912) Courtship - The Proposal, PD-US