Friday, May 2, 2014

Negative Messages and the People Who Say Them - You Don’t Need to be Fixed!

By M. J. Joachim

Why is it some people feel the need to bring others down with their comments and opinions? I’ve asked myself this a thousand times, and can never seem to come up with an appropriate answer. Listening closely to what some people say to others, you can hear the disdain and disapproval - right, wrong or indifferent, they feel the need to “help” someone with their negative comments, often to the detriment of the person hearing them. 

In close relations, such as family and among intimate friends, many people believe they have license to “be honest” with the person they are attacking. Upon further reflection, one can only see they are using the relationship as an excuse to damage another’s self-esteem, diminish their self-worth and bring the affected person down a notch.

The need to do this is either completely narcissistic or mean spirited. True friends and loved ones wouldn’t dream of insulting those in their affection. It’s a false sense of pride, perhaps. More importantly, it’s a worthless pursuit of dominating another, while boosting their own ego, attempting to inflate themselves in the eyes of the person under attack and maybe even an innate desire to elevate oneself to a position of authority.

The golden rules readily apply:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. 

As for all these self-proclaimed authorities on the matter (whatever the matter may be), let them wallow in their own head-trash, and leave the rest of us alone. To engage in their futile attempts to reduce us, they only prove themselves inadequate and lacking in meaningful communication and affection, a sad testimony indeed, considering their efforts to prove otherwise.

So when someone pushes your buttons or criticizes you, consider the source, and remember, you and God are the only true authorities about who you are, what you look like, any of your good and bad habits etc. The rest is just noise that doesn’t deserve any credence at all, unless it comes from a trusted and proven friend whom you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, would never want to hurt you.

Thank you for visiting and commenting on Effectively Human today. I look forward to seeing you again soon.

M. J.

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Photo credit: Pozytyw i negatyw, GNU Free Documentation License