Thursday, October 23, 2014

Giving Yourself Permission Not to Care

by M. J. Joachim

Some hurts take a lifetime to heal. Lines get crossed that can never be uncrossed, and all that’s left is heartbreak. It’s best not to let it turn into resentment and bitterness. Heartbreak is tough for people. There is no cure, and though time has a way of soothing its pain on good days, it’s not the cure to make heartbreak go away for good.

At some point, you just have to accept things for what they are, not because you want to, but because the alternative is so much worse. When you live with things for a long time, like abuse victims do, it’s not easy to forgive the abusers and get over it, just because so many years have passed and you’ve been safe for most of them now.

How does one get past being beaten, ridiculed and degraded consistently for an extended period of time? I’m not sure it’s possible, especially if the victim is further victimized by other’s siding with the abuser in an effort to maintain the peace. I’m picturing a really bad boss, where no one wants to be the next target here, or a family member where it’s too hard to take sides.

Distance helps. So does giving yourself permission to not care. If you’ve been abused and have moved on, you don’t have to care about the person who hurt you. You won’t go to hell for not loving your enemies. Jesus really does understand what you’ve been through, and He’s not going to cast you aside for being human and dealing with it the best way you can.

For those reading this blog who aren’t religious, get off your own back. You’ve been hurt enough and not caring doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human, dealing with things the best way you know how, because you deserve to be okay, and if not caring makes you okay, then don’t care.

Thanks for stopping by, dear people. I’m wishing you a very peaceful and wonderful day!

M. J.

©2014 All Rights Reserved Photo credit: William or Frederick Starmer, “I Don’t Care,” PD-US